Marble Eyes

Bogey Dope Upon Request: Stupid shit, mostly. Hillary got drunk and sent a fuzzed up e-mail to me. It pissed me off. I didn't call her for 5 days (long time for us) and I didn't answer my phone when she called. She sent a bunch of e-mails saying she was sorry and that she was being selfish. We talked two nights ago and straightened things out, but I was very blunt with her and I told her that she made me mad and I won't tolerate girlie games, not now, not ever. We're square now, things are better between Hillary and I now. After things were cool, she ambushed me with her mother! That was unexpected. It was the first time I talked to her, and I didn't know she was there. We talked for 30 minutes! That was strange at first, but then it was okay. Her mother is very cool.

So that part is covered.... but I'm stuck... I'm still in this, well, funk. I don't really understand it. Mostly I don't care about my life here, I think and worry about my life THERE, in the future. I can think of nothing else most of the time. My friends! I have been thinking about you guys and my family and Sara Jean a lot lately. Very much a lot. It makes me sad that we've been unable to spend more than a few days with each other over the last .... well, 3 years. I will be in Iowa this August for a few weeks and I would have to be locked up in jail to not make it to Dubuque to see Sara Jean, and to Osage for the Kershners, and to Milaca to see the Johnsons. But you fellers know as well as I do that it won't be for more than a few days. With only two weeks to spend in in that neck of the woods, is doesn't leave me a lot of time to see my whole family and friends. If I separate from the Air Force this fall (which I'm leaning towards) I'll be moving to AlAskA in September after a visit in Vegas. It will be a long time before I'm going to be financially stable enough to make it back down to the lower 48. Maybe a very long time. I've been wishing there were a way we could work it out between us to spend more time together.

Sometimes I become very unhappy with the direction my life has gone in the last few years. Especially the last year. Sometimes I am so unhappy that I can no longer think about anything else...and it takes a long time to shake it. This is one of those times. I miss you guys, it would be nice to have you around for all this. Talking over coffee or beers.

Last night was a great night though. My Only Floridian Friend, Tim, and I watched some live music (Don's Dixieland Band) at the Java Cafe (Eddie, it's been TOTALLY re-vamped). We drank coffee and listened to 70 year old men get down on pianos, sax's, base, drums, clarinets, and trombones as if they were 20 years old. They had so much energy, so much vigor.... then Tim and I walked around downtown Panama City (the Harrison Blocks) and just talked about this and that.

This morning, Saturday, I had a 09:30 mission. I teched a 2v2 that turned into two 2v2's and the agency that was supposed to release the A/S to me wasn't manned at all today. So there was A TON of jumping through ATC asses today. One guy at Jacksonville Missions (JAX) said to me, "Hydra, I need an answer NOW, I'm going down the crapper!" So, very exciting. I'm home now, just a few minutes after 11 a.m. I don't have any money, and I don't have any plans. Maybe I'll go out to Books - A - Million for a coffee. I can work on my book some more today.

Thank you, my brothers, for your concern. I'm mostly stressed out about the future, I have fear when I look there. That is what I'm dealing with.

Glug, Guzzle and Sip,
Mungo


Song of the Day: The Beatsteaks - "We Have To Figure It Out Tonight"