DQR 0501

Dairy Queen Run 2005, #1
Mary, PrettyLiz (here on simply referred to as "LIZ"), and I got into Mary's little Toyota and left the Leroy's parking lot. The snow was begining to fall, and though we were all woozy from coffee, we were in high spirits.

But we still needed more coffee. We stopped at the Organic Coffee hut on Benson Blvd. (Can anyone explain to me what ORGANIC coffee is?) One of Mary's friends works there. I can't remember her name and I've heard it three times. She's cute and really nice and made a 12 oz carmel latte for Liz, a 16 something or other for Mary, and nothing for me. After spending $3 at Leroy's, I was left with only $7 in my pocket. The snow was falling heavier as we left Anchorage, listening to Beck (for full list of musical artists listened to on the trip, see the Post Script, which I haven't created yet. So, remind me to write it.)

I had to pee so we stopped at Girdwood for bathrooms. The ladies got junk food and drinks. I just wizzed. When we left Girdwood, the snow was falling like that snow storm once. It was a total blizzard man, fat fast furious fresh flakes, babby. Wizzed...

Sitting alone in the back seat of a 3-person road trip sucks balls. Especially when there is loud music and conversation up front. I couldn't hear jack squat, unless there was a silent break in songs, and then I heard really funny stuff taken totally out of context. Stuff like:
MARY: Why was there coffee in the water?
LIZ: No see, he was up on his ladder, white washing the covered bridge, he fell off the top rung, broke three ribs, and vomited all his coffee into the river.

And then the next song would start to play and I'd never hear the end, or begining, of the story. But then that song would end and I'd hear stuff like:
MARY: We climbed that one, no wait, that one, last year.
LIZ: Which one?
MARY: That one.
LIZ: The one right there?
MARY: Ya! It was so crazy, Kale and I had to use roots to climb up most of it because there wasn't a trail. When we got back we....

And then the next song would start, and then end, and I would hear stuff like:
LIZ: Have you ever picked up a hitch-hiker?
MARY: Ya, have you?
LIZ: Ya, I've picked up some really cool people.
MARY: The coolest hitchhiker I've ever had was a guy from the Girdwood Tree House Comunity back up Crow Creek Road. He was 30 and I was 16. He invited me to hang out with the other Tree-House people, and I would have, but-
LIZ: But you were 16! Was it creepy?
MARY: No he was totally cool. I was sad for him when the The Girdwood Yuppies ran the Tree-House people....

And then the next song would start and I took out my camera and took blurry blizzardy black and blight blictures of the bloutainous blenery. We saw a lot of blad eagles and then we were in Soldotna.

When we got to Diary Queen we had to wait at the edge of the parking lot because this crazy maniac pickup snow plow guy was driving drunkenly, whiping around, throwing snow everywhere. Finally he disappeared and we thought we were safe, but then noticed that it looked like DQ was closed. I got out and checked the time and we had 25 minutes before they opened. As I was leaning down to the driver's side door talking to Mary about the 25 minutes we had to wait, the maniac snow plower came bullzing through the lot from the next block over at 30 mph, shooting snow everywhere he had just plowed. He was heading straight for my shins and Mary's car with is tires locked up. He stopped 2 feet away from me. And waved.

We drove over to Sal's Klondike Diner and drank (um... what was it we drank... ??? oh ya!) coffee until Dairy Queen was open. Liz stole a fresh flower from the vase on the table which she concealed in the palm of her hand and later afixed it to her ear. I "stole" a menu, even though on the front of the menu it said, "Please feel free to take a menu when you leave!" But I pretended it hadn't read that part and I very suspiciously stuck it inside my coat and shifted my eyes back and forth.

Dairy Queen opened at 11 a.m. "DAIRY QUEEN!" could be heard from miles as the three of us jumped out of Mary's little Toyota and raced to the front counter. We were the first three customers, but for some reason, our tickets were numbered 216, 217, 218. I therorized that the employee's had pigged out before we arrived.

We ate and got really grossly full. Mary and Liz couldn't finish the fudge from their 'Brownie Attack' and Liz covered the last bit of marshmellow/ice cream/fudge/carmel/nut brownie with katsup and dared me to eat it. She spooned it up.
LIZ: Give you a dollar if you eat it!
MARY: No! I don't wanna look!
MUNGO: Gross.
LIZ: Come on, I bet it'll be good.
MARY: Oh, I'm gonna be sick, I can smell it.
MUNGO: Get that thing away from my lips.
LIZ: Here comes the airplane.
MUNGO: *chomp!*
MARY: Ahhhh! Ohhhhh! Ughhhh!
LIZ: Ha ha ha!
MUNGO: You owe me a dollar. Give me my dollar.
LIZ: No. It was a trick. I said "I bet it'll be good," and it wasn't. You get nothing!
MUNGO: Mary-
MARY: Shut up, don't talk to me!
MUNGO: Mary, can I have some of your Mt. Dew? I need to-
MARY: Yes, here! Don't look at me. AHHHHHHH! I'm gonna be sick.

We got stuck in the parking lot. I volunteered to drive because Mary was seeing fatigue spots at the corner of her eyes and we decided it'd be safer if I drove. We got stuck in the parking lot. Crazy plow guy had left a fat ridge of snow under our tires so I put it in neutral and Mary and I pushed while Liz sat in the back seat. We pushed really hard and once we got the tires over the lump, the car rolled and rolled and rolled and rolled all the way across the parking lot... Liz screaming the whole way. And then we went to the gas station. It was still snowing.

[Mungo's note: Right now, my stomach feels lighter than air. I am starting to get hung over. Too much coffee again and I'm crashing hard. My job interview is in 1 hour 40 minutes. If I take a nap, I'll never wake up. Missing the interview would be a waste of a fantastic opportunity for me and a waste of a shave. I hadn't shaved yet in 2005. God was I ugly an hour ago!]

On our way out of the gas station (Holiday) we saw a hitch-hiker in the distance, at the bottom of the hill that drops the road into Soldotna and raises the road out of Soldotna, depending on which where way you were going. We were heading up and out.
MARY: Do you guys want to pick up a hitch-hiker?
LIZ: Let's get a look at him first.
MARY: He's big, but he's lookin' cool.
LIZ: It's up to you guys.
MUNGO: It's your car, Mary.
LIZ: He is big.
MARY: Well, we've got Erik. Let's stop!
LIZ: Ya, as if a penis can't feel a bullet.
MUNGO: Hey guy, where ya headed?

So we stopped and his name was Lucas and he was heading very close to where my car was parked in Anchorage so we all got introduced and we pulled away from the side of the road, but we got stuck. Mary and Lucas got out and pushed us out of the rut. We got stuck again. So Mary and Lucas pushed us into traffic and jumped in on the roll. It was awsome and we all laughed a million.

Four banging heads headed (heads headed... I need to find new words) thrashed through the Kenai Penisula and landed in a New Seward traffic jam between Huffman and Dowling. We got through it an hour later and dropped Lucas off (SEE FUTURE POST: "Lucas the Lost") and returned to my car parked under 8 inches of snow in the Leroy's parking lot. Mary went into Leroy's to say hello to Jen and we said good-bye to her. Liz and I drove to her house and I dropped her off. Before she went into her apartment, I told her what you'll read later in the Lucas post.

We all had a fun fun fine fun time.

Peace and Love,
Mungo

PS:
The List of Musical Artists
Iron Horse
Modest Mouse
Beck
Modest Mouse
Pinback
Dropkick Murphys
Placebo
Modest Mouse
Interpol
Built to Spill
Unwritten Law
Cibo Motto
Foo Fighters
Dead Kennedys
Hot Hot Heat
Modest Mouse
and Modest Mouse