God telling me something.

Sunday morning in Utah. Beck and her entire family get up and get ready for church. Me, being the heathen bastard that I am, decide to just stay home and basically screw off. Maybe go for a drive to the local mall (8 miles down the road).

Everyone is gone and I decide to get my lazy ass up and go for that drive. Cool beans. Okay, I am heading for the freeway along the very small, rural roads. I end up behind one of those old Jeep pickup trucks that haven't been sold for years. This thing is all jacked up and shitty looking going down the road. This guy is driving about 25 in a 35. Okay, not too bad. The problem is that he is VERY interested in whatever the hell is in the passenger seat of his shitty truck. He is so interested, in fact, that he is weaving all over the road (which isn't that wide anyway). His tires leave the pavment on several occasions. I back off and just wait because it is just a matter of time before this moron ends up in a ditch or something. About 5 miles and no such luck. Oh well.

Of course the shitty truck guy decided to get on the freeway as well. Great. So there I am wanting to punch it so I can merge with traffic and the ass hole in front of me is still going 25mph! No kidding! As soon as there is room I stick it and haul ass on to the freeway. As I pass shitty truck dude I honk my horn to wake him up. I didn't flip him off or even look at him (honestly). I get on down the freeway to where I can't even see the guy. I set my cruise at 70 in a 65 zone and just bebop along.

Well, wouldn't you know it. I look in my mirror and there is ass hole going at least 100 just to catch up to me. I don't know how in the hell that truck was able to go that fast but it did. He pulls up next to me and just starts flipping me off, yelling and trying to get me to pull over and fight him or something. I flip him off and take off again. Once again I can't even see him. Once again he comes hauling ass up to me and starts weaving around and shit. I move over in to the slow lane like I am about to get off the freeway and at the last minute stay on the freeway. He stays on too and keep up his shit. Finally he gets off the freeway and I keep going. I pass a couple of cops on the side of the highway just shooting the shit.

As soon as I pass them one of them comes after me. Great, first ass hole in the truck now I am going to get a ticket for going 70 in a 65! CRAP! I pull over and the cop comes up to the window and askes what my problem is with the guy in the jacked up truck. WHAT? The motherfucker called the cops? Oh hell no! The cop proceeds to inform me that the guy wants to cite me for unsafe driving. Apparently, in Utah ANY person and call the cops and have them cite anyone else. Just fill out a statement and that person gets a ticket. The cited person then has to show up in court to defend their self. The cop says that I can cite him too. Well, fuck, if the dick is going to cite me then why not jump on the retarded bandwagon?

I give the cop my stuff including my military ID. He looks at it then tells me that if both people decide not to cite each other then he will usually just let them go. I look at him and calmly tell him that I am not the one who called the cops trying to give other people tickets and shit. I start filling out my statement and the other cop shows up to tell me that the other guy has decided not to do anything. Well, joy to the damn world! He asked me if I still want to cite him and I just hand him the statment and say "no". The cop was really nice and just sits there talking about how road rage can be dangerous...blah blah blah.

The cop asked me if I was heading back to Vegas. I told him that I was just going to the mall while my wife was at church. He laughed and said, "See, if you had gone to church then none of this would have happened." I told him that I am a heathen and that my wife hadn't converted me yet. His reply was calm and serious as he walked away, "Don't worry, she will."

I sat there putting my ID's away and laughing my ass off! I think that is some of the funniest shit I have ever heard!

I think that God just slapped me upside the head.

ST out.